Interview with a stranger

Small talk can be burdensome, or it can be a way to open ourselves up to others and to learn how to listen. Interviews are a version of small talk that rely on a person to ask more intimate questions without building an intimate relationship. Most of the interviews that we are accustomed to are the ones that pry into a celebrity or political figures life. The skill set required to have a successful interview is based on the interviewer’s willingness to go off script, as well as sticking to the script at hand.

I chose my mom for my personal interview about her own wants, needs and asking for help. My mom does not have any wants, as she can provide for herself. When probed further, I asked if she would want to continue having a relationship with me and she said yes! I found her a want she did not think she had. As far as needs, she would rather spend time with her children then have them just stop by to drop off a gift every holiday. She does not need anything as she does not like to depend on others for risk of being shafted. She refuses to ask for help because she does not want to have to rely on others and be disappointed. I found that I now know where I get my desire to struggle instead of asking for help from. Oh Mommy dearest, your nut did not fall far from the tree!

My mom and I have become very close as I have aged, and I do enjoy having debates with her. I need her to not only bounce my ideas out of my head to expand my thinking, but also to get other viewpoints that I may have not thought of. I hope my mom will one day realize that she is not only my parent but also my friend. All those years of teenage angst I gave her finally paid off! I see that I am now more similar to my mother, yet we differ on needs and wants. I will always need and want a relationship with her, she just may not realize that she needs or wants me yet! I will make progress with her.

My second interview was a little more difficult to conduct with a stranger. I did not want to seem like a crazy person, walking around asking random people their wants, needs and if they ask for help. I conducted my interview in a bar with a drink to lower my nerves. I sat next to an older gentleman and began with small talk about the football game on the television. Slowly, I started to pry into his personal life by asking how often he comes to Chops, as I do not get out much. He told me that his wife died five years ago, and he comes in to pass the time. I told him that I was going to school to eventually become a social worker and that I had to interview someone I did not know about their wants, needs and asking for help. I followed up with a recap of the Amanda Palmer audio book for class, explaining how she began to not fear needing to ask for help. He agreed to be my guinea pig and told me that he does not ask for help as he does not want to be a burden on anyone. He feels ashamed to even admit to himself that he needs help with getting work done around his house. He is a simple man who does not need anything extravagant, just someone to talk to occasionally. He also has two children who live out of state with families of their own. Four hours later and two beers in, I made a new friend and completed my assignment!

Most individuals want to talk and be listened to. I put my listening skills to the test with these interviews and completely went off script as my interviews flowed like normal conversations. People want to ask for help but the fear of being a failure or being viewed as a failure is the hardest stone to overturn. I myself still struggle with asking for help, as I have my whole life. We are a society of individualism and we need to become interconnected by asking and listening to the answer that follows.

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