Pursuing the Arts and Not Happy

I blame myself a lot for pursuing the arts and for not having enough drive and interest to study engineering or business or finance or medicine. I don’t make enough money to meet the quality of life I’d like to have. I wish that careers in the arts were as abundant and as commonly lucrative as the careers in the fields I’ve mentioned. I’d like to visit museums and buy groceries that aren’t on sale without thinking too much about how much money I’d have left over. I’d like a routine enhanced with more trips to write at coffee shops by the window with natural light instead of writing in my ground floor apartment where I have to rely on insufficient artificial light to write even during the day because the windows don’t invite enough sunlight into any room in the apartment. I’d also like to vary my routine more too by taking more journeys on public transport around the city to discover more beauties and treasures in places I haven’t been to but have wondered about. I want to be more comfortable with taking a complete day off without reflecting on money that I’m missing out on. I work to earn money only a few hours a day so every day counts especially when prices that I see everywhere are going up. I don’t have a set schedule so I worry about having enough hours devoted to working for pay.

I’ve learned a lot about appreciating simple pleasures such as taking photos of stray cats and tasting the juice of the pomegranate seeds I remove (pomegranates are in season now in Istanbul and I’ve established some time every fall and winter here on eating a pomegranate or two) but I wish I didn’t worry so much about saving some money for airfare to go on a trip and, more than this, to prepare to return to the US. I read articles on minimalism a lot and have had the beautiful opportunity to have met people who are satisfied with living on less. I would like to treat every moment like the Japanese have traditionally done: every minute that I’m alive doing anything will never come back so why not meet every big and, usually, small experience with a lot of love and reflection and less with feeling like something is missing? However, the realization that I’d certainly want to go to a restaurant apart from the ones that I always go to because of their low prices and to purchase new clothes instead of looking through clothes that people don’ wear anymore at cafes in the area hangs above my head. Certainly, everyone would like to have enough money to experience treats, to add nice things to special occasions. I crave fun and I’d like to add fun to at least a couple of days a year.

I go back to saying that I wish I were the type of person who were more interested in fields that offered careers that paid more. I can’t exactly wrap my mind around subjects directed at medicine, finance, and technology and innovation, and find myself retreating to writing, teaching, helping people and doing research. All of us have our own interests and people certainly shouldn’t be blamed for any interests that come naturally to them, so I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed in myself — but I do. I’ve sat down to watch videos on finance, physics and chemistry but none of the content has remained with me and I feel sad about it. I haven’t managed to learn how to use Microsoft Excel well and I watched a few videos on how to use it properly and I didn’t want to continue studying how to use it after three videos and taking notes. I haven’t been lazy and just speaking this way without trying to learn about subjects that contain knowledge that I can use for another job that I perceive as offering more income to supplement a better quality lifestyle. I’m at a loss as to what to do to remedy my thoughts and feelings.

I’ve taken a lot of time to think about how to improve my living situation. With an economy that’s been failing for the past years and few opportunities in Istanbul, I feel trapped at the moment and thinking more than I wish I didn’t. I always hope for something to fill the gray in my life and that something is money because I would like to use less mind space for feeling bad that money has to go toward buying hand soap and toilet paper. I’d rather think about other things, which I do, but some thoughts are inevitably on money.

I write this because I feel like saying it and no one else I know would admit this out loud. I blame myself a lot for pursuing the arts and for not having enough drive and interest to study engineering or business or finance or medicine. I don’t make enough money to meet the quality of life I’d like to have. I wish that careers in the arts were as abundant and as commonly lucrative as the careers in the fields I’ve mentioned. I’d like to visit museums and buy groceries that aren’t on sale without thinking too much about how much money I’d have left over. I’d like a routine enhanced with more trips to write at coffee shops by the window with natural light instead of writing in my ground floor apartment where I have to rely on insufficient artificial light to write even during the day because the windows don’t invite enough sunlight into any room in the apartment. I’d also like to vary my routine more too by taking more journeys on public transport around the city to discover more beauties and treasures in places I haven’t been to but have wondered about. I want to be more comfortable with taking a complete day off without reflecting on money that I’m missing out on. I work to earn money only a few hours a day so every day counts especially when prices that I see everywhere are going up. I don’t have a set schedule so I worry about having enough hours devoted to working for pay.

I’ve learned a lot about appreciating simple pleasures such as taking photos of stray cats and tasting the juice of the pomegranate seeds I remove (pomegranates are in season now in Istanbul and I’ve established some time every fall and winter here on eating a pomegranate or two) but I wish I didn’t worry so much about saving some money for airfare to go on a trip and, more than this, to prepare to return to the US. I read articles on minimalism a lot and have had the beautiful opportunity to have met people who are satisfied with living on less. I would like to treat every moment like the Japanese have traditionally done: every minute that I’m alive doing anything will never come back so why not meet every big and, usually, small experience with a lot of love and reflection and less with feeling like something is missing? However, the realization that I’d certainly want to go to a restaurant apart from the ones that I always go to because of their low prices and to purchase new clothes instead of looking through clothes that people don’ wear anymore at cafes in the area hangs above my head. Certainly, everyone would like to have enough money to experience treats, to add nice things to special occasions. I crave fun and I’d like to add fun to at least a couple of days a year.

I go back to saying that I wish I were the type of person who were more interested in fields that offered careers that paid more. I can’t exactly wrap my mind around subjects directed at medicine, finance, and technology and innovation, and find myself retreating to writing, teaching, helping people and doing research. All of us have our own interests and people certainly shouldn’t be blamed for any interests that come naturally to them, so I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed in myself — but I do. I’ve sat down to watch videos on finance, physics and chemistry but none of the content has remained with me and I feel sad about it. I haven’t managed to learn how to use Microsoft Excel well and I watched a few videos on how to use it properly and I didn’t want to continue studying how to use it after three videos and taking notes. I haven’t been lazy and just speaking this way without trying to learn about subjects that contain knowledge that I can use for another job that I perceive as offering more income to supplement a better quality lifestyle. I’m at a loss as to what to do to remedy my thoughts and feelings.

I’ve taken a lot of time to think about how to improve my living situation. With an economy that’s been failing for the past years and few opportunities in Istanbul, I feel trapped at the moment and thinking more than I wish I didn’t. I always hope for something to fill the gray in my life and that something is money because I would like to use less mind space for feeling bad that money has to go toward buying hand soap and toilet paper. I’d rather think about other things, which I do, but some thoughts are inevitably on money.

I write this because I feel like saying it and no one else I know would admit this out loud. I blame myself a lot for pursuing the arts and for not having enough drive and interest to study engineering or business or finance or medicine. I don’t make enough money to meet the quality of life I’d like to have. I wish that careers in the arts were as abundant and as commonly lucrative as the careers in the fields I’ve mentioned. I’d like to visit museums and buy groceries that aren’t on sale without thinking too much about how much money I’d have left over. I’d like a routine enhanced with more trips to write at coffee shops by the window with natural light instead of writing in my ground floor apartment where I have to rely on insufficient artificial light to write even during the day because the windows don’t invite enough sunlight into any room in the apartment. I’d also like to vary my routine more too by taking more journeys on public transport around the city to discover more beauties and treasures in places I haven’t been to but have wondered about. I want to be more comfortable with taking a complete day off without reflecting on money that I’m missing out on. I work to earn money only a few hours a day so every day counts especially when prices that I see everywhere are going up. I don’t have a set schedule so I worry about having enough hours devoted to working for pay.

I’ve learned a lot about appreciating simple pleasures such as taking photos of stray cats and tasting the juice of the pomegranate seeds I remove (pomegranates are in season now in Istanbul and I’ve established some time every fall and winter here on eating a pomegranate or two) but I wish I didn’t worry so much about saving some money for airfare to go on a trip and, more than this, to prepare to return to the US. I read articles on minimalism a lot and have had the beautiful opportunity to have met people who are satisfied with living on less. I would like to treat every moment like the Japanese have traditionally done: every minute that I’m alive doing anything will never come back so why not meet every big and, usually, small experience with a lot of love and reflection and less with feeling like something is missing? However, the realization that I’d certainly want to go to a restaurant apart from the ones that I always go to because of their low prices and to purchase new clothes instead of looking through clothes that people don’ wear anymore at cafes in the area hangs above my head. Certainly, everyone would like to have enough money to experience treats, to add nice things to special occasions. I crave fun and I’d like to add fun to at least a couple of days a year.

I go back to saying that I wish I were the type of person who were more interested in fields that offered careers that paid more. I can’t exactly wrap my mind around subjects directed at medicine, finance, and technology and innovation, and find myself retreating to writing, teaching, helping people and doing research. All of us have our own interests and people certainly shouldn’t be blamed for any interests that come naturally to them, so I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed in myself — but I do. I’ve sat down to watch videos on finance, physics and chemistry but none of the content has remained with me and I feel sad about it. I haven’t managed to learn how to use Microsoft Excel well and I watched a few videos on how to use it properly and I didn’t want to continue studying how to use it after three videos and taking notes. I haven’t been lazy and just speaking this way without trying to learn about subjects that contain knowledge that I can use for another job that I perceive as offering more income to supplement a better quality lifestyle. I’m at a loss as to what to do to remedy my thoughts and feelings.

I’ve taken a lot of time to think about how to improve my living situation. With an economy that’s been failing for the past years and few opportunities in Istanbul, I feel trapped at the moment and thinking more than I wish I didn’t. I always hope for something to fill the gray in my life and that something is money because I would like to use less mind space for feeling bad that money has to go toward buying hand soap and toilet paper. I’d rather think about other things, which I do, but some thoughts are inevitably on money.

I write this because I feel like saying it and no one else I know would admit this out loud.

Related posts:

Outdoor signage is a piece of technology that has been growing in importance in the past decade. It can be found on many surfaces, such as buildings, storefronts, and public areas. In order to gain…

My friend whispers to me during the sermon, “Your priest is fucking hot. No wonder you come to church every Sunday.” I blush and hiss, “Dan, we’re in a church. You can’t curse, and you can’t lust…

Quantum Computing seeks to leverage the behaviour of the unorthodox quantum world to give us an advantage over classical computing. This blog contains the resources you can follow to get started with…