When goals take a setback

Encouraging someone who falters

I ran into a former student at the local health club. I had just finished my workout and was walking around the indoor track cooling down. Liam was playing basketball with his friends on the court located within the track’s perimeter.

When Liam saw me, he paused their game and walked over with a friendly smile and a handshake. I was flattered he didn’t try to avoid me or pretend I wasn’t there, like others might do when encountering a former teacher.

Liam had just finished his first semester at college, so I was eager to learn how things were going for him. I remember him as an 11th grader telling me about his college search and campus visits. He was excited about his acceptance to a major out-of-state university. He worked hard for it, and I was proud of him.

But that smile on his face was only a facade.

When I asked about college, he suddenly slumped his shoulders and his eyes quickly diverted toward the floor. His body language told me everything without a word being said.

Sheepishly, Liam admitted he had dropped out of college and moved back home with his family. He was planning to enroll in some classes at the local technical college the next semester while figuring out what he wanted to do next.

He did not explain the detail of what happened or why, and it was not my business to ask. I sensed his feeling of shame that his dreams and goals from a few years ago were no more.

It took me back to my own first year of college, where I was lost and directionless and considered dropping out. It was a chance encounter with a former teacher that gave me a needed boost of self-confidence and helped turned my life around.

Now, I was facing my own past in the form of this once-confident young man standing in front of me with that same lost direction.

I put my hand gently on Liam’s shoulder and told him there is no shame in a plan not working out the way we had hoped. The real regret is not to have tried in the first place. He was wise enough to realize that something was not working and needed to change course.

I was proud of him for at least having a back-up plan in place. I mentioned that my own college days did not start out well and tried to reassure him that things usually manage to turn out okay.

Liam nodded slowly as I spoke, his eyes looking back up toward me and his slumped shoulders straightening out a bit. Did my words have a profound impact on him at that moment? Who knows? I can only hope they provided some comfort and food for thought.

Liam’s friends were waiting for him, so our conversation came to an end. He looked at me directly with a smile as he said goodbye. I wished him well and gave him a knowing look that left no doubt he would come out of this situation better than ever.

I saw Liam a few times since then. Both times were from a distance where we could not interact directly. But both times, he saw me first and waved a greeting with a smile. I waved back and gave him that same knowing look to non-verbally remind him that he is a great guy who still has a wonderful future ahead of him. I hope and pray he believes that himself.

Setting and striving toward goals is what makes life worth living. The most pitiful person on earth is one who cannot envision themselves beyond their current state. Not every goal happens exactly the way we originally plan. In fact, it can really suck. But those like Liam who can take a setback and answer the question, “What now?” are those who are worthy of our respect and admiration.

The last thing we should ever do is chastise someone for trying and not succeeding. There are enough people in this world who do just that, and I strive to not be one of them. To have faith in and provide encouragement to someone who can refocus and recover from life’s speed bumps — that is the least we can do to make their life a bit easier to bear.

I am sure I will run into Liam more in the coming months. Each time, he will get that same knowing look from me that says I still believe in him. If we have a chance to talk, I will try to give any encouragement he wants or needs — because that is what I would have wanted when my own life was at a crossroads.

Most of all, I look forward to running into Liam five to ten years from now and listen with pride as he shares his phenomenal success story, whatever it may be. And I will give him that same knowing look that will say, “I knew all along you could do it — and am so proud of the phenomenal person you have become.”

If you are reading this sentence, thank you for being with me until the end!

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